Maurauding Cows

Mancos, where the Wild West still lives. Ah, yup, that would be right. Maurauding cows for almost a week now are holding us hostage. Called the brand inspector, he called back a nine at night. Kind of dark to go looking for cows. The Sherriff was really a bit aggravated with me for bothering them. They would send someone but I would need to be there...miss a day of work. My neighbor couldn't see them at all. Cows? Nope. Well hello! There have been about a dozen roaming through the area for a week now. There are huge prints in the mud for all to see and some other identifiable droppings that will work well in the garden next year. Ahhh, me. At least they are relatively peaceful and have not found my hay barn...yet. I may have to put a pannel up tonight. I would rather not relinquish what the deer have left of my hay to the cows. Life in the west. I love it!

Attitude of Gratitude

Today, once again, I am overwhelmed with a deep sense of gatitude. At work a gentleman said as we parted..."and don't ask Santa for everything you want." I smiled as I wished him Happy Holidays, and thought to myself, there is really nothing I want! I am so joyful in my life and so blessed with loving children, a great bunch of pets, a warm, beautifu home, my health, good work at jobs I love...what more is there? I have what I need and more - and am surrounded in beauty!

Vanilla Frosted Morning!

What an amazing morning! It snowed most of the night and my world is frosted when I wake up...gobs and gobs of vanilla frosting. Oh, but you don't have to shovel frosting do you?

The views from all directions were amazing as the sun came up and broke through low clouds...everything sparkled! Then of course, after shoveling my way to the barn we played. The dogs raced and burrowed and just had a blast! The snow was light and fluffy so they ended up covered. Cute.

It was such a fantastic day I had to keep pinching myself to believe it was real. Sweet Mary brought the best, the absolutely very best, creamy turkey soup and some stuffing to the libary. She also brought *what she called a sliver* gorgeous piece of pumpkin cheese cake. The were all homemade, and more to the point, made by Sweet Mary! I had lunch, dinner and will have lunch tomorrow on these equisite, gourmet, foods. I am as full as a tick tonight! She is such a dear friend and so very talented...and has a heart as big as the world.

'Tis the Season!

Santa Baby! I found this guy that I made last year when I began my rummaging for Christmas decorations. I like him! It is easy to be in a festive mood today as it is Sunday...I have the day off...have been for great walks with my dogs and those I am caring for...it is snowing! Has been since early morning. FESTIVE!

Fire in the fireplace, puttering around with some crafts, some art...and looking over a storage box of dolls in various stages of completion. Trying to find the box of vintage photographs for a collage...no luck yet. Still have created a couple of collages that I really like...Wise/Emerging Woman is the theme. I have been working on this for over a year and it is finally taking shape. Fun to do the art and not just think about it or be fearful that it won't be "perfect". Oh, that fear thing. Gotta get rid of that. Beautiful, snowy, creative day! More on Emerging Woman later.

Thanksgiving

It is a beautiful, cold Thanksgiving Day. I am feeling quite content and most grateful. That theme has beeen growing over the past months. Spent a lovely morning caring for critters; mine and those of L and K...they are away. It was most rewarding and peaceful. The birds are feasting out in their aviary and the Ubu and Max are watching. The birds are happy munching the the cat and dog are happy to watch!

I sent Blue Mountain cards to friends and family and the quote in one of them was: "The things that matter most in our lives are not the things we acquire along the way but within a treasure chest of memories and experiences with the people we love." How very true. I have such lovely memories both of Thanksgivings past, and life in general. I am and have been truly blessed.

As I nest around the house this morning I arrange the flowers that Petra gave me yesterday. It was part of a lovely birthday celebration. Again, I am so blessed not only to have three of the most fantastic chiropractors in the world...but to have them as friends. I set the flowers, bright and cheery on my table.

I read a prayer from one of the books written by Don Miguel Ruiz this morning - it is one I often read and try to hold with me for the entire day. "Let us be aware of our power to create a dream of heaven where everything is possible. Help us to use our imagination to guide the dream of our life, the magic of our creation, so we can live without fear, without anger without jealousy, without envy. Give us a light to follow, and let today be the day that our search for loe and happiness is over. Today let something extraordinary happen that will change our life forever; Let everything we do and say be an expression of the beauty in our hearts, always based on love."

Words to live by and act upon today...and every day!

This gem was a birthday gift from Meslissa, my wonderful daughter in law. She knows me so well and I treasure this faux stone with a quote by Cicero...

I have a full heart and deep gratitude for my many gifts, family, critters, friends, my garden and library!

Happy Thanksgiving, peace, love and joy to all today and every day.

Inspiration

I was just going back over some notes I took after reading Phil Borges Book, Women Empowered Inspiring Change in the Emerging World. A dear friend gave it to me as a birthday gift a few years ago. We have since ordered it for our local library as well. It is an important work; an amazing book. It astounded me with not only breathtaking photos, but facts.

"Women produce half of the world's food but own just one percent of its farmland. Of the 867 million illiterate adults in the world, two thirds of those are women. On average women represent a mere ten percent of all elected legislators worldwide. Eighty percent of the world's refugees and displaced people are women and girls. An increase of one year in the average education of a nation's women corresponds to a five to ten percent decrease in that country's child mortality rates. Worldwide, at least one in three women has been beaten, coerced into sex, or abused in some way, most often by someone she knows. Between 100 and 140 MILLION girls and women have been subject to female genital mutilation - and yes, that still goes on. About one in seven girls in the developing world gets married before her fifteen th birthday."

Now that gives shock and awe a whole new meaning to me. Phil Borges is not only a talented artist but he is insightful and very inspiring.

Winter is here, Thanksgiving approaches

What a beautiful, clear, cold and very crisp morning. The wind stung my cheeks as I did chores yet the sun warmed my back. Such a wonderous day! This time of year is alwasy one of introspection for me, and it is a great favorite of mine. This morning I see the mountains anew and marvel at their wonder. I notice leaves, skittering in the wind and see them with new and appriciative eyes. The snow snags the reamins of plant live and paints a fascinating landscape. There is so much beauty in my world and I am so very grateful! Thanksgiving is every day, yet this special week, with a day singled out for thanks...makes me realize just how much I am thankful for! The love and deep caring of family; the devotion of dear friends; the companionship and joy the critters give me...and my home, my sanctuary, my yard, my JOY! The full of the moon and the fullness of my life nurture me and in it all there is great gratitude and joy.

"Sacred"

I have been thinking a lot about this word since the talk with Christina a couple of weeks ago. The dictionary says sacred is - "Made holy, consecrated, entitled to extreme reverence, hallowed." Maslow says - "The great lesson is that the sacred is in the ordinary, that it si to be found in ones daily life, ones neighbors, friends and family, in ones backyard."

Ah, yes. In the simple and the ordinary; in family, friends...and in the dark of the silent night when the moon enlivens and enlightens and in my backyard and barnyard.

A gift from the Goddess!

I just went outside with the dogs, and this little posey greeted me. It has been on the table, outside the back door for a while now and I was sure it was gone. Temperatures have been in the single digits some nights. Here she is in all her splendor!

I can not help but feel an extra special connection to my mother today, and pansies were her loves. I get them each year in memory of her - and here it is, the day of my birth, November 14th and this little pansie patch is thriving. I just gave it a drink and said a profound thank you and a thank you to Mom. The maternal child bond feels very strong today.

The Sixty Four Club!

I am now officially a member of the Sixty Four Club. Today is my birthday. Thinking a lot about family, my parents and just feeling rich, grateful and mellow. Many, many loving wishes sent to me today and lovely gifts. Sweet William, my youngest son, has sent a birthday cake! ....as well as many other goodies and a gift card. He called first thing this morning. What a wonderful way to begin my day, talking with him. I am so very blessed and deeply appreciative today...and hopefully appreciative every day. I remember my parents with whom I often had an adversarial relationship, yet, there are fond memories and those are the ones I choose today. I still miss my mother on occasion although we were so very different...she was always loving in her own way. A good day to say thank you for all the love and blessings.

My best friend from high school, dear Barbara, sent a surprise package that made me cry. She is back east and we both hold fantastic memories of that area, Plymouth. (We recently reminisced about riding our bicycles to the beach when we were teens. A long and hot ride to a beach that ended up being less than optimal. We both got sunburned and were exhausted at days end. I also remembered her father passing us in his truck several times - making sure we were ok. Sweet Eddy!) She sent a treasure package of all sorts of things "Plymouth" . The mug and tea are but a couple of the goodies. What a rich and wonderful day. While I miss family being close, my heart is full.

Brrrr, Winter has arrived!

Thermometer reading in the teens this morning and about an inch of snow on the ground and ice on the roads making travel early a little challenging. While I prefer more moderate weather, I am reveling in the beauty of the snow.

Last weekend in town, there was a Living Tarot evening. It was really great fun the the card I picked was STRENGTH. Thinking about that a bit and find it encouraging.

STRENGTH VIII: (The Major Arcana) Radiance. True strength comes through gentleness and an understanding of the nature of things. Courage and wisdom presents itself. Strength, courage, conviction, energy, determination, action, heroism, virility.

Last evening I attended a talk by Christina Neilson about sacred space. It was rather thought provoking and in discussion she mentioned that smiling actually has a physiological effect on the body. I found that quite interesting and did some reading about a French doctor(Duchene), over a hundred years ago, who wrote about the physical benefits of smiling. Recent studies have snown that smiling does have a measurable influence on emotion as endorphins are released. According to one source I read (Dr.Mark Stibich) smiling stimulates the immune system, increases positive affect, lowers stress and blood pressure. Artlicle are plentiful both arguing for smiles and refuting those claims...yet, it seems to me I sure feel better when I smile! They say it also makes you look younger and makes us more attractive.

Here's looking at you kid!

Now back to the sacred space idea. Mine is my home, my yard and being with my critters.

No where is as sacred to me as the barnyard...but then I feel the sacred wherever I am in Nature.

Satisfied Heart

These past few days have been filled with joy and wonder. I feel a deep gratitude and delight at being alive! Driving home from one of my places of employment last evening, later than usual, after a demanding (but wonderful!) day, I found myself smiling. I felt very tired, but extremely joyful. I asked myself why as I drove the thirty miles home. Conclusion reached was that my heart and soul were happy. My work at this particular chiropractic clinic (deemed "sacred space" by many) is rich, rewarding and satisfying. It is an atmosphere of joy, love and healing. People, dogs, cats and horses are adjusted by two beautiful (sometimes three) souls who truly are healers but humble, caring and tireless. These individuals walk their talk. So seldom in my life have I found a situation like this one.

The Cafe of Life is a practice that believes in the innate potential of the body to heal. The practitioners assist us in this process as they remove any interference to the body focusing on spinal cord and brain. Brain and spinal cord act as the center for communication and coordination that harnesses universal energy in the body and acts as the channel for life force, prana, chi, life giving energy that flows from above, through the brain down the spinal cord and over the nerves to every cell in our body. At the Cafe belief is based on the philosophy that there is a greater whole of the individual and their life wanting to be expressed. They address the entire person not just parts. True health comes from the inside out. It is in accessing this inner energy and taping its potential that allows us to obtain true health, physical, mental and spiritually. This focus sets the Cafe apart from other practitioners and modalities. All chiropractic practices are not created equally. This one is truly different.

I remember the feeling I had when entering this space when I was just a client. Now, I am so very fortunate to be a part of this family and work there. I use the word "work" only in the coloquial sense because it is not work...it is joy. All of my life I have wished for an environment like this in which to find employment. The only place that as come close is the garden or barnyard...this is a dream come true. When ethical and loving beings offer their talents in a selfless way, truly caring about the health of individuals, it feels odd and alien. They are not driven by money or ego, they are driven by love and caring. It constantly amazes me and delights me. I watched one of them yesterday adjust a very small puppy (about five weeks) and felt tears burn in my eyes at the beauty of the process. Whether people, dogs, horses or cats they work with love and compassion in service to all who come to them. It is truly wonderful. This is a very special place.

Waning Crescent Moon

The sky at daybreak this morning was alarmingly beautiful. It took my breath away! If I have my moons right, it is a waning crescent moon. Simply delightful at any rate. Awakened deep feeling of gratitude once again for all the gifts and blessings that have been bestowed upon me. Sarah is one of my favorites and I use her Simple Abundance often. This quote spoke to me this morning especially.

" You simple will not be the same person two months from now after consciously giving thanks for the abundance that exists in your life." Sarah BanBreathnach

...and another from Thornton Wilder..."We can only be said to be alive in those moments when our hearts are conscious of our treasures."

Full, conscious heart, rich life. I am awed and deeply grateful for my life, family, friends, critters, home, soft bed and feather pillows, garden, fresh water, lovely running automobile, meaningful work in sacred space, and other work. My life is beautiful and I am filled with joy and gratitude.

Random acts of kindness...today I went to Namaste for a wellness shot. B-12 and other homeopathic elements. Short drawn up fresh (amazing, like when I was a kid!) and Sid told me that a guardian angel had paid for the shot...an early birthday present. I felt so amazingly rich and loved. Continue my gratitude and bless you my dear angel.

It was a beautiful day!

Aging Gracefully?

Thinking one is dying and then she lives, creates an entirely new environment in which she lives, at least for a while! Feeling a little better today yet still caught in some wierd maisma. Is it the aging, the very terminalness of that? Perhaps that is part of it.

I have been voraciously reading journal material (that which was not destroyed because it was such drivel), collected poems and notes on books read. Clutching my pearls!

Allegra Taylor wrote a spelendid book Older Than Time. Way back when I first read it, I took copious notes. Of course, I was young then. Yet, they still speak to me.

"We imagine that somehow another person will COMPLETE us and we search for a mirror to see our own loveableness reflected back. It's a hopelessly addictive drug and, by its very nature eternally unfulfilling..."

"A large part of my wisdim quest and the chellenge of ageing, I think, is to learn to be at peace with aloneness 0 to find inner contentment when I am on my own and not need to fill up the space with people or constantly justify my existence in terms of some kind of relationship. I love my partner, my friends, adore my children and grandchildren. What they have given me is there, whether I'm with them or not. Nothing can ever take it away. But who am I? Who lives in this aging body sitting in the sun on a mountain top? "

"One day you're an attractive alluring woman and the next day you become one of the faceless group of old ladies who sit alone in cafes and on park benches. One of the wrinklies, shrinklies, crumblies, old bags, old bats - bewildered at the speed of the decent - dismissed as irrelevant, dying of lonleliness. With no recognized rites of passage, we grope uneasily in the frightening tunnel or transition, unsure of what lies ahead, afraind to relinquish what has gone before."

Interesting. Relinquishing what has gone before...is that where I am? Reappraising and reinventing myself? Enjoying time...whatever there is left of this life...celebrating? Thoughts, ideas, feelings...aging...content to be a member of my "age group" whatever that is...plodding along...am I striving to age gracefully - or perhaps just enjoy the hell out of it!

All Souls and All Saints

My Catholic background is obvious. Today is all Saints day and tomorrow all souls day. All souls day we traditionally pray for those in purgatory.


Today I have felt as if I was caught in a purgatory of sorts and needed prayer! The sayin of and receiving of. Not feeling well...wanted to write...nothing came through my fingers. Fall...my favorite season - sometimes. I have so many fantastic memories. Raking and burning leaves, with children and once with my Dad in Woodstock Ct. Pots of stew simmering, bread in the oven; beans and fragrant biscuits baking for our sup; while we made the yard ready for winter. Cookies cooling on the counter as we took a long, chilly walk to watch the sun set; long, leisurely afternoons spent pond side witness to grand color. The crisp evenings spent by the fire. In my lack of word flow, I found a poem that someone else wrote. Virginia Eaton actually. I love it.

Leaf Burning

I swept the fallen leaves up yesterday

and touched them with slow fire;

and as I saw smoke rise and drift away

I knew a keen desire.

To sweep my mind of old things lying there,

dreams long since dead...

hopes that have clun like leaves on boughts now bare,

and thears that I have shed...

I long to gather every little grief

left scattered round,

small doubts and fears and lay them in a sheaf

on fire, smoke crowned

Then stir the embers so a wind might find

and life the ashes of old prasie or blame

and bear them far away, leaving my mind

clean as if swept with flame.

It is Halloween!

Trick or Treat? Happy Halloween. Remembering past years with children. This was such a magical time of year. It always makes me feel playful and like having fun. Remembering years of carving pumpkins, even (maybe especially) as an adult.

The origins of Halloween are deep in the Celtic culture and go back thousands of year. The celebration of Samhain. Traditional Irish Jack O'Lanterns were carved from turnips!

The Celts believed that at this time of year (Samhain) the border between this world and the "Otherworld" became very thin. Family ancestoral spirits were honored and evil spirits warded off. Samhain was also a time of taking stock of supplies for the winter ahead. Bonfires played a large part in celebrations. As animals were sacraficed their bones were thrown on to the fire. Sometime two fires were built side by side to usher the animal between as a purification ritual.

I think I am going to find a haunted house...or haunt this one! Happy Halloween!

Fall Tea Party

The days are fragrant the nights are frosty. Fall, the season of my birth, the season I love best...sometimes. Today, after a very tumultuous week, I savored the breeze on my cheek, the scent of wet, fall garden and the sun on my back. I dream of a tea party in the garden today. I wish Laurie was here to join me. We did talk on the phone and that was wonderful. Laura J. I miss you! Would be have Darjeeling, Assam or perhaps a Blueberry Rooibos Cambrick (which I have become quite fond of!)? It would be so lovely to sit, sip tea and talk. Someday again, I know we will.

After my near death experience, that was not, but still felt quite like (kind of like if a tree falls in the forest and no one is there to hear...or one hand clapping sort of thing) I did some thinking and a whole lot of feeling. I delved into journals past, and found a really, really sweet piece by Eleanor Byers. I want to share it here.

Dearest Margaret

Yes, we've agreed when we grow newly old

to live side by side on your farm in Vermont

where we can raise goats

the small brown kind, following close

and bleating of love.

We've said we want cats, all colors of cats

to play in the shade on hot summer days,

to purr by the stove when the evenings are cold.

And, Margaret, remember our plans to grow plants

with long Latain names

and prizewinning Bibb lettuce!

for good tasting salads

You'll make tabouleh (you do it so well)

I'll roast the capon (with shallots and beans).

How well we will dine

drinking mint tea or watered white wine

followed by chese and sweet almonds

Indeed, we can travel

whenever we like

as long as we are home by noon

to pet the cats, feed the goats

water the prizewinning lettuce.

When winter snow falls

we sill pull on tall boots and warm, wooly coats

and slosh down our paths to the tin mailbox

by the side of the road.

To the postman we'll offer our best apple tart

hot from the overn, with cream

in exchange for choice letters.

(We'll write them oursleves!)

Oh, Margaret, let's read Ulysses

(again) and this time, patient with age,

unravel the prose of James Joyce.

But alas, Dear Laura J...I will settle for now and unravel the prose of James Joyce at my tea party with the girls!

Thoughts

In a rather introspective mood this morning. Fall is approaching, slowly, quietly as if on gossamer wings. How do I know she is here? I can feel her in the crisp morning air. Apples hang voluptuous, heavy and I am sure sweet, on trees. There are more frequent whispers of wood smoke on the air. Gentle breezes still caress me with warmth and the sun is strong. Bees buzz busily but even they are getting ready for winter.

While I often feel that fall is my favorite season I do love and enjoy them all. It feels as if she is coming soon this year, yet by the calendar I know this is not true.

I feel a little tug of lonliness as she enters. How lovely it would be to share her wonder with someone. Then I remember past autumunal glory...and realize that this year I am much more peaceful and joyful. Still, there is a tiny little prickle of wishing, of wanting...then I come back to the now and feel satiated. My world is full and beautiful...I am deeply grateful.

Fall is in the air!

Summer came and went? It is hovering at 40 this morning, leaves are turning yellow, my nose is cold. I know I was anticipating summer, was really hot a few days...some things grew in my garden and it is now gone? Time seems to be moving at lightning speed. Sometimes I feel as if I am caught in a strange time warp. The weather was different this summer too. Much more humidity and rain. I know the weeds loved it! Now, fall garden things need doing. Trimming, clipping, weeding (always weeding) composting and getting ready for winter. It seems like just last week it was snowing. Several times already the mountain tops have been dusted with the white stuff.

I did enjoy the hot spell in June with my new outdoor bathing spot and grand bursts of insane colored flowers. So, I guess summer did happen...yet...I find I still long for some heat, some baking hot, dry sunny days. Perhaps next year. Now, I begin to think fall thoughts. Some years I am ready to make that shift and let go of summer, not this year. I find I still cling wistfully to that season. Still, I can always welcome fall. It is afterall, my favorite season.

So I am off to do barn chores this morning with my favorite, old and ratty black sweater! Fall is in the air.

Vivaldi, the gift of an Iris and a windy Sunday!

The wind again is fierce!! It raged all day yesterday, all night last night and started up in full force again today. It is totally miserable. The roof is buckling and the sheep shed roof is almost all in another county by now. I don't ever remember wind so intense, so strong for so long.

I decided to stay inside today rather than work in the garden. The wind is just to strong but when I was out earlier with the dogs (I could hardly stand up and my teeth gathered grit) I noticed a beautiful yellow iris blooming. I have moved, cared for and talked to those bulbs for nearly eight years and this is the first time they have blossomed. It sits amid the beautiful, and ever encroaching catnip. both are a sampling of of today's gifts.

As the wind howls and bangs things I am savoring Vivaldi, the quiet of the day inside and the joy of just being.

Dreams

A day to dream? "Our true desires come from our heart and soul, and we need to honor and trust them. Life guides us in the direction it wants us to go through our deep longing. Our desires motivate us to move along our path, learning, growing and developing our unique form of creative expression. Our dreams guide us to the fulfillment of our life purpose." From Creating True Prosperity by Shakti Gawain.

Calling the dreams...the divine sparks to motivate me to fulfillment and life purpose.

May 13, 2010, snow again!

Yes, it snowed again and even stuck for a while. My little crab apple tree is stylishly adorned with oodles of pink blossoms. She is beautiful. She reminds me that I too can blossom...I just need to do it.

Now this is the scene this morning outside the door...

Needless to say I was not anxious to go outside.

I recently fell from a step ladder and injured a knee. This while quite inconvenient and not fun, has given me time to sit, and sit...and sit...and during that sitting I have been quite introspective and done a bit of reading. The book that spoke the most to me was Atchafalaya Houseboat by Gwen Roland. It is set in a swamp in Louisiana where she (with a partner) built her own home and lived for ten years in relative isolation. She talks about the summer...the heat...July..."We consider the sandbar our office, since we show up there each morning about the same time people in civilization head out for work. Stretched full length upon the damp floor of the executive suite, we firm up the plans for the rest of the day. Some chores call the shots themselves. If the blackberry wine is read for bottling or the elderberries are ready for picking, we have no choice. Tomatoes that were too green for making ketchup yesterday will be overripe tomorrow and so must be cooked today.

If no such crucial matters are pending, we may decide to put the quilting frame in a shady spot for some leisurely patching of our old quilts. Or perhaps a slab of dry cypress will be clamped into the vice under the cottonwoods for some paddle making. Plans made, meeting adjourned, we swim back home.

The planned chores finished early, and the hot part of the day is frittered away by eating and swimming, writing and swimming or just napping and swimming. We make no excuses to anyone. In the late summer the Basin is too hot for anyone who would be shocked by our lack of clothes or ambition. By 9:00 am birdsongs of early morning have been stifled and are replaced by the drone of a single bumble bee drilling into a porch rafter or a cackle announcing that another member of the egg detail has finished her work and is signing out to fluff herself into one of the hen sized holes under the dogwoods...

But with the first hesitant breath of evening, the suffocating stillness loosens its grip on the throat of the swamp. We shake off the drowsiness with a final swim and make a trip to the garden for a half dozen ears of corn and some tomatoes. A boat ride to our crosslines will finish up the supper shopping."

I want to live with that verve, that simplicity...savoring each day, hot, cold, or otherwise...celebrating meals and the day itself rather than rushing and pointlessly squandering my time here on earth. They live on a barge in a swamp! I am ready to move to LA today!

I also experienced this beautiful simplicity in Central America and Africa...I seem to really lose it here. Need some direction...thank you Gwen for the great insights and wonderful feelings of peace.

Life is not tidy

Rumer Godden said that "It was the small things that helped, taken one by one and savoured...make yourself savour them..." from A House with Four Rooms.

This quote speaks to me especially this morning as on May 2nd, I have awakened to more snow! As I went outside with the dogs I felt at first that I was very, very tired of snow and cold. Then I mellowed into the moment and as each delicate flake swirled around me and landed on me I was able to appreciate. I was overcome with awe for these little flakes swirling all around me and enveloping me. In the moment, even thought I felt at first that May should be snow free, I was able to savour that special moment...in snow!

The dogs have taken up their post as Chipmunk purveyor and watchers. They drive me nuts! They are obsessed with the little creatures. There seem to be many more this year as well...everywhere in the yard. Max and Roo watch, and obsessively chase when outside. I fear gardening will be a real challenge even if the weather relents!

Resiliance

This tulip, the one and only that bloomed, has been out for a couple of weeks! It has weathered five inches of snow and turned herself, battered and a little torn, toward the sun. She is still so beautiful! I wish I had her strength. She has been beaten down, literally to the ground, and manages to turn her "face" from south/east to the west to get the sun. Amazing little thing. This little flower has been a great gift. I will treasure her memory long after she is finally gone. I will also look for her next year!

The Gift of a Day!

It is a sunny Sunday and I have the entire day to myself. The week was very busy and flew by! This day is the best gift I could have. I know I will never get "the list" completed, but I plan on doing some things and savoring each moment. I realize how much I am craving time alone here at home to just putter, clean the yard up after a severe winter; clean the sheep pen; clean the house! Then there are the projects; the painting started but not worked on in ages; dolls; music - I keep telling myself I will practice the harp and piano but haven't even tuned the harp in months. Then there is the writing! Retirement is really quite an insidious myth. Not that I would "retire" but I would so love to have days in a row where I could feel complete and creative here, at home. Do the straightening, the playing, the writing... Instead (while I am deeply grateful for the job) I run and rush...my attempts to simplify have paid off yet there are "miles to go before I sleep."
Despite my time "warp" I woke counting my blessings and the list was long. Grateful for so much this morning and savoring each movement in this beautiful day.

Gratitude

I have been working in the course "Awakening Joy" on a regular basis. Really loving it. Finding more and more in my life to be deeply grateful for. Something those old fears enter in...I acknowledge them and move them on. I am truly blessed and focus on that fact. As I prepare to go out to my "Buddah" garden and meditate I feel peace. The morning is warm, high fifties and the birds are singing. It is peaceful...no wonder I can feel it.

The first, and in truth only, tulp has bloomed. It is quite lovely. Caught Max, rather like Ferdinand, planting her nose right in the center of it and smelling yesterday. Missed the photo op but is was adorable!

The critters fed and happy...I still think I should place them in good homes, or freezers, and move on. I really want goats...yet I am attached. This little barnyard brings me such pleasure. It is truly one of the places I feel centered. Time and spirit will tell I am sure.

Heading out to meditation. A thought from morning reading (Simple Abundance) before I go:

Let your mind be quiet, realizing the beauty of the world, and
the immense, the boundless treasures that it holds in store.

All that you have within you, all that your heart desires, all that
your nature so specially fits you for - that or the counterpart of
it waits embedded in the great Whole, for you. It will surely come
to you.

Yet equally surely not one moment before its appointed time will
it come. All your crying and fever and reaching out of hands will make no difference.

Therefore do not begin that game at all.
by Edward Carpenter

So, this fits totally where I am. Believe and Trust...and find neutral.

Time for home and hearth...and yard!

I have been feeling a real need to be home...to settle in and enjoy home...to finish projects, start new ones, meditate, work in the yard, just BE. A part of yesterday, a part of today and the entire tomorrow will be for that!
I have been deeply pondering the Fifth Agreement by Ruiz. He speaks a lot about symbols and truth...about how language forms symbols and most everything outside of ourselves form our truths. Very relavent just now for me. "Once you have the awareness that almost everything you learned through symbols is not the truth, the only thing left is just to enjoy life..."

The first tulip of the year is blooming in my yard...actually, it is the only tulip but quite lovely. The little crab apple tree, the one I rescued, is also beginning to blossom. She is in her fifth season now!

Feeling very calm, introspective and grateful. Life is so good. These are weeks around a rock under the shade shelter I built last year. I remember Jay O'Callahan talking about weeds and how subjective it all is. They blossom, they are beautiful and we call them weeds? I love my little, tiny pink flowers.

Sun, wind and time to myself

The wind has been really strong at 50 to 60 mph of late. Lots of roof rattling and pieces of the pro pannel from the sheep shed have flown off. This morning, while pleasantly in the sixties, the wind picked up again. I went up on the roof with planks, rocks and trepidation. While I have retrieved the missing "pieces" more are threatening to fly away! It is way to windy to fix the roof...but temporary measures are called for! Thankfully, all went well.

I read meditations frequently from Carrie Hart...they are truly wonderful. Today's was expecially poignent for me.

She talks about making our choices from the center of our truth...cutting through emotions (anxiety, fear, joy, excitement, anticipation, etc.) and being in touch with our center of truth and integrity; making our choices from a place of deep knowingness and a connection to all that is.

Thank you Carrie for all of your insights and sharing with us. Today, the meditation truly connected (as it does so often) and I am using it as I go gently through the day.

Could that be more snow?

Again, snow. I was rather shocked at 5am when I looked out and saw a white blanket, once again, in the yard. Oh yeah, more snow. The herb garden that was beginning to green up is white again.

Will spring ever arrive this year?

"Green slipped in from under the white -

Splashed in early other colors,

and gave up lambs, who

Bleated tirelessly on the subject..."

Mark R. Slaughter

I read those words this morning and while I have no lambs this year, it brought back sweet memories!

Sunny Sunday...

I had to go to Durango today, but what a lovely, truly spring day. I was quite amazed however at the amount of snow remaining as I got up by Montoya Hill and all the way into Dgo.

Quiet day...some grocery shopping, dog food, cat food, mummy food...good to get chores done and have a day to myself. Just sat in the yard for a while with Max and Roo...Max stood still, almost for a picture. This little Tree has been trying to grow for several years now. It is hanging in there. Heading out to move some hay before dark.

Buddah is going to watch, he is finally out of the snow bank.

Beautiful day!

The birds woke me this morning; they were riotous! Gertrude the goose squaking and all the wild ones joining in. There was a huge Raven sitting on the fence post. I am sure I am feeding not only my chickens and goose but the entire population of Ravens and Magpies.

The ducks on the pond were also quacking this morning. Such sweet sounds...music to my ears. Vivaldi plays in the background and they sing along.

Sunny at last!

This is one of my very favorite images. It is a notecard reprinted by ALA and the artist is David Small from a children's book by Sarah Stewart...

an affectionate portrait of a woman, Elizabeth Brown, whose life centers on reading, an obsession beginning in childhood. "She didn't like to play with dolls, / She didn't like to skate./ She learned to read quite early,/ and at an incredible rate."

This book always makes me smile. Sometimes I feel like Elizabeth!

Today begins a sunny and beautiful one, but still cold. The sheep are luxuriating in the sun. They seem glad that it has finally come out.

I am in the third mothn of a ten month course, Awakening Joy. It has been very interesting so far. The focus this month is gratitude. I realize as I write this how very much I have to be grateful for. Sometimes it is just important to have a reminder!

Reading Don Miguel Ruiz book The Fifth Agreement. He talks about story...and the idea that our mind is always dreaming, awake or asleep. "Who is dreaming the story of your life? You are. If you do't like your life, if you don't like what you believe about yourself, you are the only one who can change it. It's your world; it's your dream. If you're enjoying your dream, that's wonderful; then continue to enjoy each and every moment. If your dream is a nightmare, if there's drama and suffering and you're not enjoying your creating, then you can change it."

Food for thought. Basically it boils down to what you believe you are. Not matter how you look at it, no matter who I may be reading, that is the message. Why is it so difficult for humans (me!) to get that sometimes!