ad·jec·tive

A friend recently posted an article about losing the adjectives.  She was of the opinion, as was the article that she no doubt read, that the fewer words the better.  I read the article, then I read it again.  I guess in some sense it made sense.  In a report, in a recipe, in scientific writing, ok, it makes sense.
However, I love words!  I love adjectives and adverbs...not just nourns and verbs.  Language is made up of those words I love.  Descriptors can make a story rich, delicious and make me drool...while plain words, simple and straight to the point, in reading for pleaseure may just fall a bit short for me.  Language has rhythm, color and can be inspiring and it is words that make that happen. For example, "The breeze nipped at the back of her neck and whipped up a fine sea spray that settled on her hands, leaving sparkling salt crystals as it dried. Fairy dust, she used to call it. She breated in the fresh air and absorbed the view: tangerine sky and dove gray sea, ripples on the surface of both, like dragon scales.  She savored the sharp tang of vinegar on her tongue, letting her thoughts wander as the sun slowly melted into the sea, turning it to liquid gold." Hazel Gaynor from The Cottingly Secret.

Well there you have it.  She could have simply said the fresh sea air surrounded her as the sun set. That would be simple and a very few words...but her expressions, her liquid language drew pictures for me, complete with fairy dust and technocolor.  I for one would have misssed that exquisite description of her surroundings.  It seems it is all very subjective.  Personal preference and there will always be critics to attack and correct those preferences.

A sad day

This morning the news told me there had been another shooting, a mass shooting, in Vegas.  It was deemed the "worst"... I was reeling with that news and wondered in sadness, was there a best?
I am still reeling.  My head and heart both hurt. I truly feel as if the world has gone mad, totally mad, and will soon spin right off its axis.  I send so much love to all those who are hurting.

Taking time to be introspective, to meditate, to ruminate, to pray and to read.  Estes came to mind first. Her thoughts, my thoughts...although my thoughts are mostly feelings today.

"This time is the Time for many things that it was not time for, before. Be wise. Be brave, stay strong." Clarissa Pinkola Estes.

I would add be caring, be kind, and focus on love. I truly believe that most humans are good. Some are not, clearly. I cringe when I read that the latest shooting is the "worst"...there was a best?
Humankind is hurting right now in so many ways. Can we not put aside agendas, politics, platforms and simply come together in love? Just put it all aside for a little while and find that love that is in our hearts? Yes, change is needed and must come, but just for today...? Let's not use this tragedy for anything and simply be in a loving, caring place...just for today.

Sending so much love and light to all who are in pain, and all who are suffering. There are so many.

Then stumbled on writing by Chopra:

“The only way to create peace in the world is through a shift in consciousness; to become a peacemaker yourself. Anyone can become a peacemaker. All you need to do is to go within yourself and dedicate yourself to peace in thoughts, speech, action and your relationship with others. This online course is a seven-day journey to help you embody the changes you wish to see in the world…Imagine the powerful shift that could occur in this world if you and the rest of the world made a conscious commitment to practice peace, to become a peacemaker of the world. I believe that if a hundred million people underwent a personal transformation in the direction of peace, harmony, laughter, love, kindness, joy and equanimity, the world would be transformed. This is based on simple and scientific ideas…” Deepak Chopra

In other words, it really is personal. We, each and every one of us, must be that change we wish to see in the world.

Working on my own stuff to be that change daily.  Not always easy, but always necessary. 

Early fall funk

Simply.  I want live simply and just be...boundless and infinite.  Is anyone really boundless or infinite? Today is an odd day, a Saturday and I am home.  Slept late, can't quite find a gear to drop into.  It is cool and damp outside and I feel like staying in.  Restless.  Wondering.  Feeling empty and alone...grieving over the lack of contact with kids.  Need to get over that.  Release.  Let go.  Ordered a couple of books about "estranged" children.  Maybe they will help.  At least they let me know I am not alone!

Signed contract yesterday for the book and paid the fees.  Maybe that is part of my malaise today. While I am joyful that the process is nearing completion, there is also a feeling of let down.  Truly the writing, the researching, and Yes, even the editing were the exciting parts.  The rest has been challenging and not really fulfilling.  Hopefully, it will be out by the end of November and some copies will sell before Christmas.  I don't anticipate it being a huge money maker, but good to just have it done at this point.

Going to finish a cup of spicy chai, read some more Michael Connolley.  Robert used to call him that "Irish bastard" because I would get lost in his writing.  Yup, even missing Robert a little today.  Funky day.  It will pass. 

A Little Grace

Interesting day.  First full day of Fall and it rained, thundered, lighteninged, and there is snow on the peaks.  I sat by the first fire inside of the season and listened to an interview with Elizabeth Gilbert.  It was good.  I had judged her as something very fluffy and not very deep after reading Eat Pray Love.  I was so wrong, as is often the case.  She is bold, she is brave and she is wonderful.  She talked about the way culture imposes things on us; she spoke of achingly cold lonliness.  I could really identify. She said that free people, free people and hurt people hurt people.  I really got that.  It helped me to stop judging a couple of people in my life who have been causing me a whole lot of pain.  I still feel alone however and long for a tribe.  Chidren are grown and really neither need nor want a very active relationship with me.  This has been really difficult for me to adjust to...but I am getting there.
It has been a day of beauty, new beginnings, delight, fall settling in and grace.  I am so very grateful. 

Random Thoughts

Feminine spirituality acknowledges the Goddess as planet, as the earth and as woman. This is a principle of creation that is uniquely female (including males who are conscious).  Women can create life, celebrate life and honor life as they participate in the cycle of the earth.  We might call this divine feminine power. Everything that influences the earth, influences the Goddess and everyone and everything on this earth. 

We have arrived at the juncture where disharmony, violence and mass destruction against Gaia, the spirit name of our Mother Earth, poses an alarming threat to life on this planet. The wounds of this conflict are reflected in our individual and collective disconnect from the very source of all life, our Mother Earth.  Our hearts and souls are wracked with pain. We frack, we mindlessly pollute in just about every way possible and it feels like a never-ending cycle of attack and destruction.

Today we are experiencing wildfires on a grand scale, savage hurricanes, earthquakes, tsunamis, and volcanoes are erupting.  These things have always happened on earth, but to this intensity and with such orchestrated destruction? Could it be that our Mother is really stressed and letting us know?  Are we listening? 

Yesterday I had several discussions with women that I respect and admire.  All of us are living with some sort of autoimmune disease.  The comment was made several times that we all know more women who have an autoimmune disease than those who don’t.  The question arose that integral to our collective healing is our remembrance of the Sacred Feminine essence, energy, and principle.  That principle being our connection to Love, to Creation and our deep connection to Mother Earth, to Gaia. Perhaps, we the females (and conscious males) are feeling the pain of Gaia? Could it be that as women, we have such a deep connection to the flow of life and the natural cycles that we are responding to her pain?

One thing for certain is that there is a real need to reconnect to the source of life, Gaia, with love, healing and respect. I believe that there is a voice within us, if we listen, that is telling us that we much move forward in healing ways, stop the destruction and find our voice and vision and carry the wisdom of the feminine, the sacred feminine, forward if we are to survive. 

Breathing

It is April, spring, and a time of renewal.  I am hoping not to take over the world, but to take back my life.  I have retired.  I never thought I would be able to retire and I will have to go back to earning some money eventually, but for now - I am savoring time, my life and that retirement.

In the months prior to this decision, because I needed to make money and I needed insurance, I stayed in a job that had begun as perfect but ended up toxic.  Interesting choices.  What motivated that choice? Fear?  Perhaps.  I has been a couple of years of health issues which could have been serious, and I am not used to dealing with them.  I have been blessed with relatively good health and physical strength.  For a couple of years I have experienced just the opposite.  Fear colors so many things.  The choice to retire actually came from outside.  The program was not going to be fully refunded.  It was as if Spirit said to me..." ok, you won't listen to all the little signs that you need to retire, so I will have to provide you with a big one."  So it happened,

I have not for one second doubted the decision however, I have dealt with fear that creeps around from time to time.  I dismiss it as soon as I feel it, but it has been there.  Why do I succumb to those tingly fingers up and down my spine...fear?  That is my mission for a few weeks to relax into my time and to dismiss fear permanently.  If not now, when?  That is the question.  I can live comfortable for a while and I am determined to do just that.  Not only comfortably but thriving, really living and finding joy and satisfaction in each day! Savoring.

Ireland

Recently spent almost two weeks in Ireland.  Glorious.  Totally fell in love with it and for so many reasons.  It is beautiful.  Life is older, slower and more satisfying.  There are seventy shades of green! There are animals everywhere, even in cities.  There are no chain stores to speak of.  Butcher shops, fish mongers and greengrocers still exist.  There are flowers on every doorstep and windowsill.

It was an intense trip and it is going to take more time to sort through emotions, photos and memories but I am so grateful that I had the opportunity to go.  I felt my ancestors who are still there I am sure although I found no trace in County Cork or County Kerry.  I will explore more and am seriously considering dual citizenship.  Time will tell where all of this goes but I know one thing for sure, I love Ireland and am deeply grateful for the opportunity to have been introduced to her.