My Muse has a question...

So, this morning my Muse asked me:  "Do you think that after all these years of living a life someone else prescribed for you that you might be ready to live your "own" life?"  That gave me pause.  She continued: "After all the drama, the heartache, the joy and the magic...but rarely authenticity, do you think you may be ready?"  I told her I would think about it.  You should have seen the look she gave me!
Yes, I tell myself, I may be ready to live my own, authentic, creative life filled with ease, love and joy.  There sure has been heartache, sadness, and wrong choices, but there have also been moments filled with pure joy and true magic.  I spent some time out in the garden this morning after my discussion with my Muse.

After that delicious interlude, I decided to see what the Tarot cards had to say as my Muse's words were still echoing in my head!  I pulled three cards, past, present and future.  The first, (past) is the Lake representing stillness.  It talks about the tempo of life speeding up (man, do I know that and have been trying to release speed) and seeming to be no escape (no kidding!).  It goes on to say that there is no need to be held a prisoner by this "hurry up" syndrome nor is there need to feel trapped by the awareness of our collective intensities.  Seek stillness.  Ok, good thoughts.  

The second card (present)  is Full Moon, signifying completion.  I think I like where this is going and more importantly my instincts, my intuition, my "gut" already knew.  I smile to myself. Completion talks about receiving as sacred and being as holy as giving.  Letting go of old conditioning and healing wounds.  "Set aside ritualized habits and beliefs that restrict the pure act of allowing your body, heart and soul to be nurtured. Lie on the Earth and ask Gaia to rock you in her bosom as you breathe with her and relax into her loving care."  Yes!  Just what I have been needing is a little real loving care. 

The third card represents the future and is Fire, signifying passion.  I really like where this is going!

It asks, "What are your passions?  What ignites that inner flame, that creative spark? ... consider what is missing in your life...Passion is not something that comes from outside of you...it is an intensity of feeling, whether quietly experienced or enthusiastically expressed.  

Passion can simply be a strong feeling or the sensation itself can be so powerful that it motivates you to act...Open yourself to the truth of what you are passionate about and find a mans to express it." 

I really liked that!!  So, with a little stillness, a lot of listening, and some action maybe, I am beginning to life my authentic life after all these years.  So grateful!  Blessed Be and so it will be.  

My Muse will be happy. 

Last, lazy days of summer

This morning was just about the most perfect I could imagine.  The sun, clear blue sky, peaceful and quiet.  That quiet occasionally interrupted by the song of a bird, flutter of hummer seeking sweet source, and Raven chatter.  Cattle are gently calling in a distant pasture down the hill.  The colors are so beautiful!  Tall sunflowers glowing gold tower over vibrant pink and white cosmos and roses still bloom crimson.  Morning glories are everywhere stretching to the sky!  They are abundant and even on the barren, shale soil they manage to grow like grass and still bloom.  The red and pink poppies delight me.  I have tried for years to grow them and this year they finally arrived, little but so lovely.  The tomatoes are all turning red, the basil threatening to bloom along with the cilantro; lettuce just about done while dill and beans dance in the gentle breeze.  Squash, well I really don't want to talk about it.  Next year I will show some restraint and not plant a half dozen plants!  Half an hour of gentle meditation in the warm sun and the rest of my day to myself! 

Doesn't really get much better.  So grateful and feeling bliss. 

"Heartswell"...

Heartswell...that probably isn't a word, but I am making it one.  It is what happened to my heart as I began to read a new book, However Long the Night,  by Aimee Molloy. 

"It is the unlikely and very inspiring story of Molly Melching, an American woman whose experience as an exchange student in Senegal led her to found Tostan and dedicate almost four decades of her life to the girls and women of Africa.

This moving biography details Melching's beginnings at the University of Dakar and follows her journey of 40 years in Africa, where she became a social entrepreneur and one of humanity's strongest voices for the rights of girls and women."

I knew I was hooked in the prelude when tears burned in my eyes.  Molly was recounting her early days in Senagal with no electricity, no clean water, yet she built a house and made a life. Memories of my too short time in Santhe flood my heart.  Hence, "heartswell." Molly talks about walking through the village feeling intense love for the villagers and knowing of their love for her. Heartswell!  This is how I want to live, love and exist here on this planet, making a difference and loving.  I remember so acutely the feelings I had in Africa; the simplicity of live, the extreme poverty, but undying joy, love and music!  

Dreams.  I have had so many since I returned and most center around being instrumental in making something positive happen for women in a developing area.  Molly's story is so filled with love, joy and hope and I haven't even finished the first chapter!  She knows that success is in empowering women.  Not flying in, putting on Africa and throwing around power, knowledge or money.  It is in educating, supporting and empowering those women who live there to find their path to a healthier life, in their own time and space. She does not impart great wisdom, she meets them in love where they are. I don't care about power, status, wealth, I care about my heart, and those of other women.  I want to be a part of that sacred, quiet revolution! Heartswell.  

I am dreaming my dreams, believing my dreams and hope to live my dreams of making a quiet difference, leading a quiet revolution, somewhere with women who are waiting for that support. 

Heartswell. 

Hope

Sometimes I get really discouraged and think what is this world coming to?  Things are floundering and worse in the big picture.  Where are the leaders?  It feels very sad it what I end up thinking. But in the past few weeks through a beautiful women's vision circle I have met some of the most amazing women!  Young women who are caring, very bright and taking action.  I found our leaders.  Some are actively working on the GMO issues; others are creating birthing centers; and yet others are working in organic agriculture. There are others working in education, nutrition, family development, finance, empowerment and general health.  They are fresh, inspired and really grooving. They are deep, committed and soulful.  I am so happy to know that there are leaders out there and not just here in Colorado.  They are across this great big country of ours and in Canada.  They are organizing and leading a much needed and sometimes quiet but relentless revolution.  I cheer them one all.  We do have leaders and they are hard at work.  Thank you Sisters!

Beauty and Joy!

Last night I stood out under the stars that totally filled the sky with wonder.  A tiny waxing crescent moon hung up there too, with it's planet,  which I think is Venus. It shines like a diamond! I felt like a part of that sky scape and was in awe of the beauty.  I soared in the dark sky, the twinkling stars and planets, it was pure magic.  Later, as sleep overtook me, cuddled softly into my quilt, those same stars and planets shone brightly in my room.
This morning is crisp, cool and breezy.  I am feeling so attuned to my surroundings and really savoring all of the feelings; the cool that greeted me when I arose, the warmth of the sun creeping up over the mountain and falling on my face, the breeze gently caressing me.  Then there are the scents!  The roses whose perfume is carried on that breeze, the petunias, the dill and the rosemary and even the basil this morning scents the early morning air.

I am fully awake and aware this morning and loving my place on this earth and deeply grateful for the many gifts bestowed upon me here.  Life is good and I am feeling so centered and joyful!  Think I will go dance in the breeze and enjoy all the bounty that is right here in my backyard.

Friends talk about getting away, going camping, etc.  Yes, that might be lovely

but I always ask myself why would I want to leave this place of beauty?  I have it all right here...mountains, breezes, flowers, critters and so much comfort without even leaving home!
Ok, so maybe before the summer is over I will pack up my tent and Coleman stove and head out into the wilderness....maybe.  But until then I am savoring my own back yard.

Soul Searching

Been thinking a lot about life, probably because there has been so much loss lately.  What is my purpose here on this plane?  What makes me happy?  Why don't I take time for the things that feed my soul?
Why do I so often try and extinguish my passion?  Old programming?  Well, isn't it time to move this along, and quickly!?
Need more creative time.  I feel the passion and then get caught up in "stuff" and get off the track.
My pledge to myself is that in the next week, I set time aside just for creativity.  My soul needs it.

With the weekend coming up it is a perfect time to unplug, tune in and CREATE~ 

I have made a pact with myself.  I am DOING it.  

Saddness, loss and tonglen

Lately, there has been a lot of loss and grief around me.  My work partner just lost her dad.  There was another senseless suicide. Another friend miles away from her Dad and worried because he is along in years and in the hospital.  My dearest friend's ex husband, and father of her children is in Hospice and suffering immeasurably.  How do you console those in such pain?  I really don't know.  My heart reaches out to them and Pema Chodron has helped me a lot by talking about Tonglen.  Here is a little of what she says about it: 

"The tonglen practice is a method for connecting with suffering —ours and that which is all around us— everywhere we go. It is a method for overcoming fear of suffering and for dissolving the tightness of our heart. Primarily it is a method for awakening the compassion that is inherent in all of us.
We begin the practice by taking on the suffering of a person we know to be hurting and who we wish to help. For instance, if you know of a child who is being hurt, you breathe in the wish to take away all the pain and fear of that child. Then, as you breathe out, you send the child happiness, joy or whatever would relieve their pain. This is the core of the practice: breathing in other's pain so they can be well and have more space to relax and open, and breathing out, sending them relaxation or whatever you feel would bring them relief and happiness. However, we often cannot do this practice because we come face to face with our own fear, our own resistance, anger, or whatever our personal pain, our personal stuckness happens to be at that moment. "

I remember this concept from years ago when I was going through a difficult time. I remember thinking it could never work, that it was just kind of Buddhist, new age gobbldey gook.  But, you know what?  It really does work!
I remember during my difficult time it worked.  I tried it again over the past few days and focused on breathing in all the pain and breathing out relief, peace, joy and love.  It worked.  At a time when you feel totally helpless to do anything, this is a practice that makes a difference.  I find I am spending more time in meditation and being very observant of my breath throughout the day.  I am sending out love and light, peace and harmony to those I love and even those I don't.  At a time when you fell helpless...give it a try.  We really are all connected you know.