Saddness

It has been a strange and sad couple of weeks. My heart is heavy and hurts. I have lost my sweet companion of sixteen years. She had a stroke and never really recovered. She left this world and my side on the 16th at 2:30pm. She is forever in my heart and I miss her in my daily life. I see her everywhere. Raven struggled sometimes with her wild wolf nature. She was after all half wolf and sometimes it was difficult for her in this world. We had some great adventures though that old girl and I! I will always remember the way she dug for crab legs on Prudence Island; how she sniffed the wind, head high, as a storm approached; how she disliked fire! When we had a campfire, she always paced and asked to just go to bed! How I had to set the tent up in the living room before camping trips so she wouldn't be afraid to go inside.

I am deeply grateful that she graced my life for those sixteen years. She was a faithful companion. She was sweet, funny and so very loving. Raven, thank you for being my best friend and for all the love and fun you brought into my life! I will always hold you dear in my heart. You little sister Max misses you a whole lot too.

Sun, gentle breezes and honey bees!

Ah, spring must be here. The weather is mild (in the 70's ) mud abounds and I decided, in an attempt not to take life too seriously, to eat brunch outside. It was heavenly as the sun baked down on me. I was barefoot outdoors for the first time this year (chasing the puppy in the snow does not count, that was painful) and ...what is that buzzing around my tea? A swarm of honey bees!! I did enjoy my brunch, most of my tea, the sun and celebrating my first meal al fresco for the season but the bees won. I finally gave up after being buzzed and bombed several times. I think they were curious about the honey in the tea. It was afterall local and maybe they recognized it! All in all it was a delight though. Spring is certainly on the way. We may have more snow yet, but the balance is gently tipping. Soon it will be hot and dry. Grateful for each day as it comes; finding the beauty, striving for balance...and JOY!

Wholeness, Life Forces and the Sun's Energy

Today is a day of introspection and thought. I have been working with a wonderful group of women through Artella. This group is inspiring and as I set my goals and look at my life plan I find connection and inspiration.

My goals, while still a little hazy, include writing, research and performance, and workshops for women over 55. Inward bound programs, sometimes in the wilderness or out in nature but focusing on who we are at the core. They say you teach what you need to learn. I wan to be in nature and working with like minded women. I include my Weaving A Life in this plan. I see myself as a conduit for supporting other women as we play; as we discover who we really are at our Heart's level. As we discover what sparks, nurtures and feeds our soul. How we can live our lives from an authentic core, with total joy, peace and balance. I feel this is a way to truly and fully come into myself while giving back.

I have taken this afternoon to play. I meditated in the sun and then drew a rune asking for guidance. It was Sowelu. The Rune of wholeness, Life Forces and the Sun's Energy. It stands for that which our true nature requires. It embodies the impulse toward self realization and indicates the path you must follow, not stemming from an ulterior motive but from the core of your authentic self and individuality...you must become conscious of your essence and bring it into form, express it in a creative way. This is a Rune of great power, making life force available to you. It marks the time in your life for total regeneration - right down to the cellular level. It is a Rune that counsels opening yourself up, letting the Light into a part of you that has been secret, shut away. This is a prayer, known as Gayatri, and it carries the spirit of Sowelu. It addresses the sun:

You, who are the source of all power,

Whose rays illuminate the whole world,

Illuminate also my heart

So that it too can do your work.

I affirm that I wish energy and right action to flow through me. I am nourishing the capacity for it and beg direction.

A good day for thought and a good thought for the day! I am grateful.

Passion!

Excavation can be such fun, yet difficult work. I have been engaged in the excavation of my true self for a while now. It has been a process; sometimes very rewarding, other times a huge challenge. What exactly to I want to be/do when I grow up? What are my values, my core values, those that are really and truly mine, not imposed on me from someone or something outside of myself? That was a difficult dig! What is my Heart's Desire? Now that I found the core and try to live from there, Heart's Desire is really not all that difficult!

As I learn to listen to my heart I am learning that it is really ok to pay attention to my passions, to the things that fill me, excite me; to let my heart tell me where I fit and how to be there.

I have spent much of my life, both as an adult and as a child, believing that passion is something to be hidden, quietly and completely controlled, eliminated if possible. Rubbish! What absolute rubbish. These messaged were imparted to be by broken individuals; they were greatly troubled, unhealthy and in turn, taught to ignore their passions. Maybe it is my Irish Catholic upbringing or all the time spent with nuns, but I bought it for a long time, and tried to ignore my passions. It does not work! I am finally, fully and completely trashing this idea for what it is, rubbish.

I listened to Dr. Ernesto Siroli speak on passion and entrepreneurship for over an hour last evening. WOW! He is brilliant, witty, energetic and passionate! It was yet another reinforcement for me that I am traveling on the right path as I seek to create my life - living my Heart's Desire and doing it with verve and passion.

I heartily recommend visiting UTube and spending that hour with him. I don't think you will regret it.

Embracing Joyful Simplicities...and My Heart's Desire

"Year by year the complexities of this spinning world grow more bewildering and so each year we need all the more to seek peace and comfort in the joyful simplicities." Woman's Home Companion, December 1935.

"As we become curators of our own contentment on the Simple Abundance path, one of the great payoffs is that we start to seek peace and comfort in the joyful simplicities. Little things begin to mean a lot to us. Joyful simplicities nourish body and soul by engaging our senses. They teach us how to live in the present moment. Life comes together when we seek out the Sublime ordinary moment." Sara BanBreathnach, Simple Abundance.

Today I am thinking not only about simplicity but my Heart's Desires...which are really very simple and I do embrace them! My heart, so long ignored, so long unkown, as duty and deeds progressed. I often let he minuatiae of life rob me of such pleasures, such joy, the momentI hav often lost those things and sometimes I have lost myself.

Now in the Autumn of my life I have truly become acquainted with that Heart. Ahhh, it is wise and it knows if only I listen it's desire is minifest...I draw to me things that are my lifeblood, things of peace, beauty and love. As it is promised by the wind, as it is tendered in the Heart...as it is written across the sky. The things my Heart is calling for are simple things that nurture not only my heart but my very soul.
The whisper of a gentle wind, which if I listen, carries the voices of the ancestors. Spirit moving! The caress of my love that finds my depth. Melodies of birds and other Masters...but always music.
The warmth of love, giving and receiving; sweet ambling through time and nature.
Rock, sage, color and serenity - meditation, solitude, music of the Gods; Cottonwoods rustle, creeks babble and the sun blesses me.
The rising and setting of the sun with the myriad colors of the pallet. Each of my senses are delighted. Meter and rhythm, cadence and heartbeat, mine with natures. Day cools, night falls I'm lost in the sweetness of my loves embrace and enraptured by the wonder of the night sky.


We must seize the essence of life...what our authentic self, our Heart desires. We must embrace those things that nurture us and bring us joy. "People need joy quite as much as clothing. Some of them need it far more." Margaret Collier Graham wrote in 1906. I am making the discovery of those joyful simplicities daily...those things that bring me personal comfort and a sense of well being. It is one of my highest priorities to stay in touch with those things and live in joy and real authenticity with them.

The Redwings Return!

I first noticed the chorus yesterday; I was transported to another place! I sat, eyes closed in the sun, listening. Their song went straight to my heart and gave my soul wings. It always does. I soared. What is it about that little "cluck, cluck, cluck, trill, trill trill" that finds my core so quickly? It has been so for years. I love the little chickadee chirp but it is the Redwing that puts me in trance, in ecstasy! The music has begun and my soul appreciates.

I read a piece from Cathedrals of the Spirit by T.C. McLuhan the other day that came to mind this morning. It is by Stephanie Kaza.

"Breathing in, breathing out. Slow deep inhale, slow deep exhale. Quieting the body, quieting the mind. I woke up this morning under the graceful, arching branches of bay laurels and Douglas firs. All night the trees have been conversing under the full moon, weaving me into their stories, capturing my dreams with their leaning limbs and generous trunks. Breathing together as I slept, as they rested, we danced quietly in the summer night. Their great confidence framed a circle for my waking; their study presence offered an invitation to be still."

The song of the Redwing this morning, under the full, warm morning sun evoked the same feeling in me as Stephanie's words did the other day at the full of the moon. Bliss. I feel so alive and grateful this morning.

Today I decide...

That I matter. One of the wonderful women in Artella posted Eric Maisel's 9 Steps to Fulfillment. It is really great grist for the mill as I put together a life porpose statement to guide me for the next steps in my creative life path and fulfillment. Today, I focus on #1, I matter. One can only truly matter when she believes it. Today, I will make myself proud! I MATTER!! My life of creative meaning and joy is unfolding.

From my regular daily companion, Sara BanBreathnatch, today's Simple Abundance reading includes a quote from Rainer Maria Rilke:

"If your everyday life seems poor, don't

blame it; blame yourself; admit to

yourself that you are not enought of a poet

to call forth its riches; becaues for the

creator there is no poverty and no poort

indifferent place."

Today, I know I matter; I am the creator of my own destiny and it can be as rich and joyful as I want to make it. I no longer need wait; today I believe. Today I create my life purpose statement which is my inner template by which I will measure life!

Grateful for so many rich opportunites and people to support me!