Early fall funk

Simply.  I want live simply and just be...boundless and infinite.  Is anyone really boundless or infinite? Today is an odd day, a Saturday and I am home.  Slept late, can't quite find a gear to drop into.  It is cool and damp outside and I feel like staying in.  Restless.  Wondering.  Feeling empty and alone...grieving over the lack of contact with kids.  Need to get over that.  Release.  Let go.  Ordered a couple of books about "estranged" children.  Maybe they will help.  At least they let me know I am not alone!

Signed contract yesterday for the book and paid the fees.  Maybe that is part of my malaise today. While I am joyful that the process is nearing completion, there is also a feeling of let down.  Truly the writing, the researching, and Yes, even the editing were the exciting parts.  The rest has been challenging and not really fulfilling.  Hopefully, it will be out by the end of November and some copies will sell before Christmas.  I don't anticipate it being a huge money maker, but good to just have it done at this point.

Going to finish a cup of spicy chai, read some more Michael Connolley.  Robert used to call him that "Irish bastard" because I would get lost in his writing.  Yup, even missing Robert a little today.  Funky day.  It will pass. 

A Little Grace

Interesting day.  First full day of Fall and it rained, thundered, lighteninged, and there is snow on the peaks.  I sat by the first fire inside of the season and listened to an interview with Elizabeth Gilbert.  It was good.  I had judged her as something very fluffy and not very deep after reading Eat Pray Love.  I was so wrong, as is often the case.  She is bold, she is brave and she is wonderful.  She talked about the way culture imposes things on us; she spoke of achingly cold lonliness.  I could really identify. She said that free people, free people and hurt people hurt people.  I really got that.  It helped me to stop judging a couple of people in my life who have been causing me a whole lot of pain.  I still feel alone however and long for a tribe.  Chidren are grown and really neither need nor want a very active relationship with me.  This has been really difficult for me to adjust to...but I am getting there.
It has been a day of beauty, new beginnings, delight, fall settling in and grace.  I am so very grateful. 

Random Thoughts

Feminine spirituality acknowledges the Goddess as planet, as the earth and as woman. This is a principle of creation that is uniquely female (including males who are conscious).  Women can create life, celebrate life and honor life as they participate in the cycle of the earth.  We might call this divine feminine power. Everything that influences the earth, influences the Goddess and everyone and everything on this earth. 

We have arrived at the juncture where disharmony, violence and mass destruction against Gaia, the spirit name of our Mother Earth, poses an alarming threat to life on this planet. The wounds of this conflict are reflected in our individual and collective disconnect from the very source of all life, our Mother Earth.  Our hearts and souls are wracked with pain. We frack, we mindlessly pollute in just about every way possible and it feels like a never-ending cycle of attack and destruction.

Today we are experiencing wildfires on a grand scale, savage hurricanes, earthquakes, tsunamis, and volcanoes are erupting.  These things have always happened on earth, but to this intensity and with such orchestrated destruction? Could it be that our Mother is really stressed and letting us know?  Are we listening? 

Yesterday I had several discussions with women that I respect and admire.  All of us are living with some sort of autoimmune disease.  The comment was made several times that we all know more women who have an autoimmune disease than those who don’t.  The question arose that integral to our collective healing is our remembrance of the Sacred Feminine essence, energy, and principle.  That principle being our connection to Love, to Creation and our deep connection to Mother Earth, to Gaia. Perhaps, we the females (and conscious males) are feeling the pain of Gaia? Could it be that as women, we have such a deep connection to the flow of life and the natural cycles that we are responding to her pain?

One thing for certain is that there is a real need to reconnect to the source of life, Gaia, with love, healing and respect. I believe that there is a voice within us, if we listen, that is telling us that we much move forward in healing ways, stop the destruction and find our voice and vision and carry the wisdom of the feminine, the sacred feminine, forward if we are to survive.