A Diagnosis

Ok, I admit it, I am a quirky old broad.  These days I sleep with books and dogs...well I always have, so what! Occasionally there has been a man in the middle of it all.  Not anymore.  I am finally at an age where it doesn't really matter...I am quite happy and perhaps quite mad.  My life is so rich, full and complete despite my addiction to good books, fine music and my little farm.  Herein lies the rub.  I have always felt more at home in the sheep pen, weeding the garden, moving manure, listening to the birds, feeling the sun dance on my body and the wind in my hair, watching sprouts shoot up from the rich dark earth that I have turned, collecting those wonderous little miracles, eggs.  When I see a tomato ripening on the vine, watch delicate little flowers turn into peas or beans, experience the thrill of scents in the herb garden...I am home.  I am relaxed, essential, authentic and yes, I talk with god because that is where she is...and she talks back.  Do I have dirt under my fingernails often and calluses on my hands?  YES!  Another symptom.  I realize now that I have had them since I was about nine and that is a lot of years to hang around this planet thinking I was crazy.  I all began back when I met a horse and discovered the world outside of my dysfunctional home life.  It was amazing!  Waaaay back then I knew that life could be tranquil and beautiful.  And so it has continued throughout my life.  Always thinking I was odd, didn't fit and was really only me when I was on my little farm. Symptoms can range from mild to extreme.  Mine ran the gamut.

When I am up to my knees in muck, smelling the horse or sheep and goats - when I am weeding and watching in wonder as things grow...I am HOME.

I owe a huge THANK YOU to Jenna Woginrich for her book Barnheart.  Now I know what it is, what I have and have had for over fifty years...BARNHEART!  I love it, I am grateful for it and will continue to nurture it but now I have a word.  She says it is incurable and ya know what?  I am not looking for a cure just more time in my paradise.  Thank you Jenna.